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Monday, 10 November 2008

Twisted Reasoning

Not long ago, I decided to put nursing on the backseat because now I want to be a Hippocrates follower. But whenever I think of it, I get nervous. Sooooo nervous that I want to puke my guts out. The NMAT is just around the corner and I am nowhere near ready for it because I rarely read since I still have work. I didn't enroll myself in a review center because it's expensive and that I don't have time. But I read as soon as I have the time.

But I am still hoping for a good NMAT rating despite the facts presented. I'm not even hoping to get in the bad ass medicine school just across my old university. I just hope I get into a decent school.

You might tell me to quit my job. But I won't. That's where I get moolah to pay for all the application fees and whatnot for school. I don't want my parents to pay for it because they didn't ask me to study again. It was my choice so it is only right that I do so. Although I don't want them to spend a lot again for my education, I can't support myself. But for sure, I can pay them back by not screwing up on the process.

And that's the only thing holding me back: finances. As for motivation, I have lots of it.

If you'd ask me why I decided to take this different career path, it is purely personal reasons. Aside from being fed up with the fucked up way of how nurses are treated, I want to move into something difficult but I know I can do.

I know I was a mediocre student during my Baccalaureate years and only a few believed in my abilities. A lot doubted what I was saying because I was not an "authority". Although I managed to prove them wrong by getting decent grades, there are times that even I, doubt myself. Doubt that was imposed by that social stigma, wounding my self-esteem. However, it didn't stop me from wanting to become a physician. After milking my baccalaureate degree of what its worth, I then thought, "Hey, I can do this. I can fucking do this! I can actually become a fucking doctor". Woohoo!

No, I am not doing this to prove anything to anyone. Rather, I will do this because I realized that I can. And since my mindset is on Surgery, it gives me a good feeling to know that my scheming can actually do good. Imagine how many dads can walk beside their kid during graduation just 'cause a diseased organ got cured due to my scheming. Tres fabuleux.

I still have a long way to go. I'm just a meter forward on the 1 km road to my dream. I'd be moving a centimeter forward if I get accepted in a school. Wish me luck.

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