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Friday, 16 October 2009

Dramatic Movies and Telenovelas Are Actually Hilarious

I admit, I watch telenovelas and movies (as long as it's by ABS-CBN. LOL). Sometimes, I just cannot take the excessive cheese and the heavy drama but it's fine with me. It is what makes the movie or telenovela uniquely Pinoy. However, I ROTFL and go WTF when I see total medical situation FAILs on local TV series and movies.

Here are some of the best (or worst) failures I've seen:

Tracheostomy FAIL in Totoy Bato- The girl acting as a patient has a tracheostomy tube and she is delivering a one page script audibly...with no difficulty. Like she doesn't have a trache at all. Ate Richie and I sniggered loudly at the bus while this girl went on to the second page of the script.

Labor, Delivery Assistance and Thermoregulation FAIL in Katorse- Nene (Erich Gonzales) is primigravid (first time mother) and she gives birth immediately because I think her cervix dilated to 10cm and went into a 100% effacement in a snap. And the one who attended to her is Jojo (Enchong Dee), who seems to be really adept into assisting deliveries because he flawlessly delivered the baby. He caught the baby (with no vernix caseosa at all and with massive amounts of clotted blood on the skin) and passed it on to Nene, who made chummy with the unclothed baby for like, 5 minutes tops. And the baby seemed OK. I facepalmed. For real.

Endotracheal Tube FAIL in a GMA telenovela I can't remember- The guy acting as a patient is just biting the balloon end of the endotracheal tube but is secured with a ridiculous length of Leukoplast. I stopped myself from LOL'ing in the bus.

Endotracheal Tube FAIL in a Bong Revilla movie- After Bong Revilla was told that he should go back to earth because it isn't his time to die, he fell into some vortex. And then the next thing he knew is that he's ALIVE. Oh goody! But he felt something on his mouth and he pulled that pesky ET tube out his throat. And he felt no pain. Actually, I was the one who grimaced at what he did. Not because I can feel the pain, but because it was a total FAIL.

Code Blue, Cardioversion and Expiration FAIL in almost all dying scenes- The patient is deteriorating. Oh noes! So he/she gathers the family around him and goes on with a monologue about his/her dying wishes. Then after saying a 4 page script, the patient stops speaking and closes his/her eyes and the cardiac monitor beeps as it goes flat line. There is no one who will call the nurse or the doctor. Instead, they will all hug the deceased. Magically, medical staff will appear with the apparatuses during the hug sessions. No emergency drug will be given and they will immediately proceed to CPR (complete with the wrong hand placement and hand lock), simultaneously with defibrillation (even on a flat line).

Endorsement FAIL in a GMA afternoon soap- Camille Prats is a nurse in this series. There was a scene wherein she will go on duty. I thought that she's making her rounds with a colleague but I realized that they're endorsing in front of the patient. I laughed maniacally that my boss went WTF. Okay, so it's time saving if we do that in the actual area, no?

These medical situation failures influence the perception of the people regarding actual medical conditions. People get the wrong idea and sometimes this is hard to change. We'd have to explain more or less, 5 times before they actually get it.

Maybe if I'd make my own drama, I'd take time to explain the details of the disease in the best possible way. People hate technicalities so I'm guessing that my series will be a major flop.

I Hate Nursing Uniform FAILs

Ever since I got into the big wide world of Nursing, I always make it a point to check my general appearance, including the uniform. Actually, I'm very particular with the uniform because it serves as my identity as a nurse. I don't like fitted uniforms because it restricts my movement. Screw it if loose uniforms make me look bulky, as long as I can raise my hand, run, bend without difficulty. My training at St. Paul has opened my eyes that your appearance will add an air of authority so you need to keep it respectable.

That's why I LMAO'ed when the Philippine Nurses Association filed a complaint regarding the slutty uniform used in Pinoy Big Brother. Total nursing uniform FAIL. The first time I saw it, I smelled trouble. For the record, there is no Nursing Service administrator who will design a uniform for the ladies in which tits would pop out of the blouse and skirts with crotches and lower buttcheeks will be exposed at the slightest bending, like these examples:

Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:

Total nursing uniform FAIL.

...unless those service administrators are high on crack.

Whenever I see people wearing sexed up nurse's uniform in commercials or programs, I get pissed off. And to top it off, these people also wear the nurse's cap, which totally annoys the shit out of me. Knowing how media strongly influences the mindset of its viewers, the slutty uniforms and the rowdy behavior of the dressed up people negatively affect the image of nurses. It's bad enough that we get to be labeled as “katulong ng doktor”, “tagahugas ng pwet” and other forms of stereotyping, being disrespected on the job takes the cake. I've experienced getting comments from patients like, “Sana miniskirt na lang ang uniform mo” while checking IV fluid levels. They wouldn't even think of that if they don't get any ideas from crappy TV shows or commercials. It's totally awkward and annoying, I tell you.

I am strongly against the use the uniform and cap as a costume on TV if the characters won't carry it with proper bearing. If they are so desperate to dress up as nurses, get a white shirt dress minus the cap and pretend to be one. That's when you can really shout out like a maniac, “Naka-costume ako na pang-nurse. Woohoo!”.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

To My Dear Frenemy

I know you said sorry for everything that you did to me. But rly, I won't accept it because it's going to be like this all the time. If Friend #1 hadn't told you that you were being a colossal beeyatch, you wouldn't even realize it in the first place.

For the record, I don't like how you look at me whenever you see me happy. I mean, you shouldn't even think that I'm gonna cry for your loss. I hate to break it to 'ya but you're wrong. If I'm totally desperate to have you back and restore the friendship, I would've crawled on fours, begging for you to stay. But boo-hoo because I never beg for something of little importance. Like you.

But since I still have this little morsel of concern for you, let me give you a piece of friendly advice: if you can't say it in English, just say it in Filipino. I'd totally understand. You see, you can be sushala even when you speak Filipino. Rly. Plus you don't have to shove it up our asses that you are more sushala than anyone else by insinuating that you have never ever spoken a word of Filipino.

Unfortunately for you, we lowly sea creatures are sensitive to grammatical and intonation fails. So we're not buying your gimmickry that you have never spoken a word of Filipino. Srsly.

And if a guy is with me, don't crane your neck and do a 360 degree turn because it's so obvious. I know that you're in the middle of Erik Erikson's intimacy vs. isolation so stop torturing yourself by not looking. Just don't. You'll end up asking yourself the same question over and over again: Bakit wala pa akong boyfriend?! And uh, reality check: not every guy I'm with is a love interest. Ano beh, why do you always think that they are romatically linked with me? Again, stop the self torture. It's annoying.

And your loaded god complex? Deflate it because it's not healthy. It's getting to your head. Rly. There will come a time that you won't be able to carry your head on your shoulders. Be brave enough to admit that you have failed or have made a mistake. It feels so good to have finally accepted that you failed. Trust me I know, after accepting my first ever, all time academic FAIL. It's part of being a person, like you always say whenever someone kisses you off. Then why not practice what you preach?

Being a whole new person is fun but when you reinvent yourself for the worst, I rate it:

vouz m'adores, de nites pas le contraire

Of Bitterness and Non-Friday the 13th Misfortunes

Takte. First time kong maging bitter sa pagkakabagsak ko sa exam. I know it's lame but I just can't help it. I stayed up srsly late just to finish reading Histology that's why I'm sew disappointed. Not to mention, it's my first time to get an epic fail on a test that I actually studied for. Though I got a much worse epic fail on Physiology test last time, I can accept that because I gave up on it. Aaargh! Put Tang in a glass talaga. Bwisit.

Prior to the epic failure, I woke up at 7:40AM. Holy &#@*Y^^R! The exam's at 8. I took a bath in a jiffy and just threw on my clothes. I was freakin' tensed because the proctor might not let me in if I'm late. Luckily I was able to make it. Crunch time! And that's misfortune #1. Misfortune #2 is that my password in the computer exam won't work. I tweaked it a little bit and I accessed my exam after 45 eons. The epic fail is misfortune #3.

Physiology was kind, in fairness. However, when I got home and read my Anatomy notes, *($@^)#! I realized that I was answering the wrong stuff. I call it misfortune #4 because I already read those topics during our break and I got confused. Tch. Pero pwede na rin itong i-classify na katangahan. Lulz.

Kamalasan nga naman. In short, good luck na lang sa exam results. Booyeah!

Right now, I'll enjoy my sem break. Mmm mmm GOOD!

The Big Help

September 26, 2009. This day goes down in the history of my pathetic life and as well as the history of the Filipino nation. Hundreds of lives were lost as Typhoon Ondoy (internationally known as Ketsana) mercilessly ravaged everything in its path. It is also the day that the Filipinos became united as a nation to help out those who were badly affected.

And here comes another destructive motherfucker, Pepeng.

Now I know how the evacuees feel after being stranded at school. I vowed that I'd help out as soon as I fix myself. And as the first part of my “Big Help” thingy, here are additional places I know of that we can drop off donations:
  • Donations are accepted in St. Paul University Manila, Student Affairs Office c/o Ms. Patria Fortes.
  • San Beda College in Mendiola, Manila is also accepting donations daily from 7:30AM till 6PM, spearheaded by the Law Student Government at St. Maur's Hall. Other student governments are also helping out the LSG in acquiring other donations.
  • For Globe subscribers, text RED5/25/50/100/300 to 2899.
Though this is a seriously late post, let's give more goods because food supply for the evacuees in some areas aren't sufficient as their houses and resources are still down. Thx.

Contest Prize Winner

I am totally unlucky when it comes to raffles, promos and contests. Whenever my purchases qualify for a raffle stub, I fill it up for the sake of well, filling it up because I don't expect to win anyway. The first time that I won a contest was way back in second grade where I won a Greenpeace shirt and the last time I won was in fourth grade, when I won a mini pillow both for a treasure hunt during the Intramurals at Child Jesus Academy. After that, my losing streak went on and on.

However, my 12 year drought was broken when my mom informed me that she got a letter from Manila Ocean Park because I won a prize from their “Win Fabulous Prizes” promo.

WAIT. What?

Uh huh. I actually won. W00t! I found out during Physio class, just as I am beginning to be bored. I got rly excited that I wanted to LOL in class after I read my mom's text message.

I won Fish Spa tickets for 2. Hee! I so love the Fish Spa even if it makes me laugh like a frikken idiot because the doctor fishes tickle me. I'm going to drag my mom to come with me because both of us have badly calloused feet. I just hope that the fish won't choke when they nibble on my feet.


Mommy, Cha-mu, and Ate Richie in the Fish Spa

Barracudas o piranhas may be more effective. Not only they will effectively nibble off the callous completely, they will even gobble your feet off. Haha.


Lost: Idiot Edition

September 26. Saturday. Yeah! Last day of classes for the week. I was planning to go home as soon as Biochemistry class ends. While I was planning this, I noticed that it wouldn't stop raining and it is getting worse by the minute. As I was looking outside the window in disdain, I have this gut feeling that this day would be different. By lunchtime, water in the football field was rising fast and it's spilling over the Snack Bar. Ugh. Not good. But hey, the rain might stop and the water will subside.

But it didn't.

Water from the field is now entering Dom Felipe Cafe and it's rising fast. Oh noes. And to make things even scarier for flood neophytes like me, flood in the Quad is rapidly rising so my friends decided to scoot home ASAP. Odette and I stayed behind because we can't go home because it is a fact that manholes are opened in Gastambide whenever there is flood.

I kept on checking the water level every once in a while but every time I look out, the sight isn't pretty. The water in the Quad is rapidly rising, including the filthy, putrid water in the creek beside San Beda. I saw the people in the Legarda Station frantically running for shelter as the strong wind blew and heavy rain poured in torrents. My prediction is that the rain won't stop within the day so Odette and I would probably spend the night in school. I also sent out mass texts to some friends to ask how is it within their area. And the answers are all the same: “baha na”.

OK. Totally not good. In a lame attempt to lighten up the mood, I fooled around with “Dinamita”. But I can sense that there is more up ahead.

Brave Staff

At around 6:30 PM, Ondoy geared up for its final assault. Without warning, the rain suddenly poured down and the wind blew. HARD. The water in the quad rose waist deep and it now reached the offices in the first floor. That's when I knew my earlier prediction will come true: We're stuck at St. Benedict's Hall for the rest of the night. To be honest, it's my first time ever to be stranded. Dr. Francis Cid, our dean, is also there with us. He kept on checking the water level and even provided us with food and water.

To be honest, I didn't feel scared at all because everyone still has a smile in their face. Plus, we were staying with the Nursing faculty, who by the way, are srsly hilarious people.

Hello sunrise! The water is still high as there is no major outlet within San Beda, according to Dr. Cid's fact finding. So Odette and I decided to traverse icky flood water, since it wouldn't reach our pudendal area anymore. After getting Dr. Cid's nod, we set off to the Abbey where the water is slightly lower than in the main gate. Another first for me to go into a floody street. Luckily, there's a pedicab waiting near the deepest part of the flood so we rode up to Gastambide.

I got home at around 9AM. And I'm thankful that my family and I are OK. My dad was worried sick, he kept on calling each one of us. He has rly worried about me when he found out that I was stranded.

I'm OK, Daddy.

But it still breaks my heart to see the aftermath of Ondoy. :(